Day 93

Pages: 2094

I held a heart in my hands today. A sheep's, It was quite slimy.

Trailer I'm oddly excited about of the Day:



Its like the Fog but vaguer about the threat and it has Tom Jane in it.

Day 92

Pages: 2094

Now in an effort to appeal the "kidz", I will now discuss various MTV shows periodically. I watch these in order to stay "real" and "Frezh" with the "Youth of America".

#5 Punk'd
The (Needlessly Complex) Concept:
Beadle's About but with Kelso from The 70's Show. Each one of those knd of prank shows involve kind of gimmicks. Scare Tactics has cruelty (Hey, Your girlfriend has been run over by drugdealers. Ha Ha, only joking), The Jamie Kennedy Xperience has that annoying guy from Son of The Mask. Punk'd has famous people (They deserve it too those jerks.).

Best Bits:
The beginning of each Punking which Kelso explains loudly what the Punking will be. "YOU KNOW P.O.D? THEY PLAY CHRISTIAN MUSIC! WELL LET SEE HOW THEY REACT WITH A NUCLEAR SPILL. WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW, P.O.D?"

The situations often seem funnier before the Punking begins. Nick Carter and Tommy Lee, Buddies? Hard to believe they have not got a MTV show on their own.

Anything with Kanye West. (actually anything is made brillant by Kanye West's presense.)

Verdict: Funk'd

Day 91

Pages: 2067

You know I had plenty of chances to read today. Instead I did the following:
-Slept till 10.52
-Fed the dogs.
-Bought Milk in the shop
-Had a bowl of Weetabix
-Surfed the Net
-Bought more Milk
-Had a bowl of Corn Flakes
-Watched some TV.
-Went to the Cinema (Knocked Up is great)
-Filled this in.
-Remembered that Wednesday is MTV Program day.
-And nothing else.

Line of the Day:

Isn't weird how chairs exist even when you're not sitting on them?
Knocked up is quite funny

Day 90

Pages: 2062

You know what isn't great? Terrible Green Day songs been sung by a large group at 2am somewhere on the street next to you. You know worse? When said group knows three lyrics and repeats those five times.

Unwanted Lyrics of the day:

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Day 89

Pages: 2052


My 4 books day got a shakey start today. I read the start of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and got distracted by english muffins and birthdays. (Note: Mark and Sparks don't seem to sell English Muffins anymore.) Tomorrow I will be focused, presumibly.

Lyric of the Yesterday:

Wish I was an English muffin
'Bout to make the most out of a toaster

Day 87/88

Pages: 2045

I've exactly 4 weeks to read over 100 books. At 28 day approx, this means to finish the list I will have to read at least 4 books a day. In the last two weeks I've read about 85 pages. I'm thinking an underdog last minute victory is required, like Rocky. (He whats in the end?)

Lyric of the Day:

Wish I was an English muffin
'Bout to make the most out of a toaster

Thank you, Simon and Garfunkel, I know what I'm going to get for breakfast.

Day 86

Pages: 2040

I could write anything I want here. Anything. Something insightful, witty, life affirming, cutting, satirical, emotional, arty, anything. Instead I wrote something pointless.

Food of the Day:

Chicken in a bap. There was free BBQ in College. Good day.

Day 84/85

Pages: 2030
Now in an effort to appeal the "kidz", I will now discuss various MTV shows periodically. I watch these in order to stay "real" and "Frezh" with the "Youth of America".

#4 Nick Cannon Presents Wild 'N Out
The (Needlessly Complex) Concept:
Two teams try to best each other at improv and general trash talking. The Red Team is led by Nick Cannon and the Black Team is led by whatever rapper or actor wants to plug a new song or programme that week. They compete in rounds with names like "I'm On the List", "That's My Dog" and "Tore Up from the Floor Up". Hilarity ensues

Best Bits:
Each show has at least two prerecorded sketches that play with hilarious concepts such as "What if a pimp was a judge?" (For more, see Nick Cannon's Short Circuitz).

Any instance Nick Cannon's relationship with Christina Milian is mentioned is Hilarious.

The camera sweep around to see the celebrities in the audience like Flava Flav or someone else

Verdict: Slightly Better than Yo Momma!

Day 82/83

Pages: 2020

A great sight I saw today:
The film 1408 may contain "prolonged scenes of terrorisation".

A weird sight I saw today:
Jim Belushi pregnant.

A cringeworthy sight I saw today:
The Cork entry on the Rose of Tralee.

An unforgettable sight I saw today:
Jim Belushi asking for a epidural.

A bad sight I saw today:
It's the 21st of August!!! I'm really really really behind on my reading.

Line of the Day:
Too busy to write one. I must read more.

Day 80/81

Pages: 1992

Did you know you can get an one litre can of Germen Beer in Dunnes Stores?

Result of the Day:
Patchy Wednesday is making good strides this weekend. Joint 7th (or if you prefer, Co-7th) in the League of Gentlemen.

Day 78/79

Pages: 1962

I had a whole big thing to set up this clip "Extraordinary or Extra Ordinary?" but Yesterday I suffered from selective amnesia and completely forgot that I was supposed to write it yesterday and what I was going to write. This on the very day last year this mysterious footage was shot...Concident or Con-Cident? You Decide.



Sequel Of the Day:

Day 77

Pages: 1962

Now in an effort to appeal the "kidz", I will now discuss various MTV shows periodically. I watch these in order to stay "real" and "Frezh" with the "Youth of America".

#3 Hogan Knows Best
The (Needlessly Complex) Concept:
Actually it's just that Osbournes reality show, but with the WWF/WCW/NWO/WWF/MTV wrestler HULK HOGAN and his very blond family instead. So it id another reality TV show following D-list celebrities you may of suspected were dead. But It's The Hulkster, Hollywood Hogan, He is Hulk Hogan.

Best Bits:
Each episode seems to follow the same formula (which is odd, as real life doesn't follow genre conventions...)

1. Some crazy lefty hippie arrives with a new diet or way of living at odds with weightlifting. Hulk disapproves.

2. The daughter, Miss Hogan, does something Hulk disapproves of.

3. Some pets do something messy. Hulk disapproves.

4. Hulk flexs his muscles. Hulk approves.

Verdict: THIS RULZ

Entrance Music of the Day:

Day 76

Pages: 1961

This 16th of August, One year later We look at the film that dumbfounded 3,716 people. We talk to the cameraman that captured such fearsome sights like "The Death Clock" and "The Haunted Hair". We ask the critics, who called it "so real!!" and said "you just wasted 42 seconds of my life." to relive the terror.

This Thursday we will resee something Extraordinary or Extra Ordinary

Line of the Day:

"I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

R Kelly is a genius

Day 75: 21st among Equals

Pages: 1959
Hey, Can you guess whose birthday it is? That's right. It's the anniversary of the birth of Fidel Castro, Alan Shearer, Annie Oakley, Phil "The Power" Taylor, H. G. Wells and someone that was in Home and Away a few years back.

But it is also the 21st birthday of one very special person: Sarah Cathie, who played someone called Penny in Bread and Roses.

Godspeed, you guys.

Rejected Titles of the Day:
Day 75: Twenty One with a Bullet
Day 75: Getting the Two One
Day 75: Birthday... with a Vengence
Day 75: Hey look, I'm 21.

Day 73 and 74

Pages: 1957

Patchy Wednesday or I prefer to say Pat Wed. hadn't the best first weekend. 29 points place The Voles at 2nd last place in the League of Gentlemen and Last place in Superliga. Still it's early yet, we can't throw in the towel, it's a beautiful game, one of two halves etc.

Day 72

Pages: 1959

Tomorrow is the big day for Patchy Wednesday. Two Leagues, Two Days, The Superliga and League of Gentlemen. The real life counterpart have been training hard for their own team and, I like to think, for my fantasy football team. Afterall, life, like soccer is a game of customs...

Punchline of the Day:
"We didn't do it on porpoise."
The punchline to the world's worst joke.
http://www.thinctanc.co.uk/overflow/worlds_worst_joke_03.html

Day 71

Pages: 1957

Q: Was ist paradox an der Analysis?
A: Man faltet, um zu glätten...

While looking up jokes on the "net" today, I found a German maths joke. I've no German to speak of, so today we will see if international jokes survive translation engines.

Result:
Q: What is paradoxical at the Analysis?
A: One folds to smooth over...

I see...

Speech of the day:
I do not know to say what really. Three minutes to the largest battle of our professional life. Everyone comes to today, and down either, we healthy as a team, or we are gonna zerbrökkelt. Play centimeter around centimeter through game. Until we are concluded. We are in hell now same, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can remain here, receive can fight the shit that is thrown out by us, or we our return into the light. We can climb outta hell... a customs all at once. Now I cannot make it for ya, am I too old. I regard around, see I that these young faces and I think, mean I, made I each incorrect choice, that a man in the middle years can make. I, uh, I pissed away my entire money, believe it or not. I have someone davongejagt that loved me ever. And recently I cannot stand also the face, that I see in the mirror. They know if you become old, in life, are taken things of you. I mean, am that's it.. that's it.. that a part of life. But you learn begin only, that if you losin 'material. They find out that this game of life the customs so that soccer is. Because in either game - life or soccer - is so small the edge for mistake. I mean, make an a half step too late or too early and you it not rather. You do not slow down a half second also, too quickly and you catch it rather. The customs that we must be everywhere around us. They are in every breach of the game, each minute, each second. On this team, we fight for that customs. On this team tear up us we and every otherwise around us to pieces for that customs. We claw with our Fingernägeln for that customs. Because we know if the entire customs sums up, the gonna is makes the condemned difference between profit and losing! Between life and dying! I will be tell you this, in any battle it the fellow its ready, whose gonna victory that customs to die. And I know if I am, have is gonna any life more it because I am yet ready, to fight and to die for that customs because that is, what life is, the six customs before your face. Now I cannot make make you it. They must regard the fellow next to you, appearance into its eyes. Now I think that ya a fellow goes seeing, who will go that customs with you. Your gonna sees a fellow, who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows, if it comes down to it your gonna, that makes same for it. That is a team, gentlemen, and either, healthy we now as a team, or we become as an Individuen die. That is soccer fellows, is that of all that is it. Now what are you makes gonna?

The Pieces by Inches speech as translated to German and back again.

Day 70

Pages: 1955

Now in an effort to appeal the "kidz", I will now discuss various MTV shows periodically. I watch these in order to stay "real" and "Frezh" with the "Youth of America".

#2 Made

The (Needlessly Complex) Concept:
Do you have a lifelong dream, but unwilling to spend more than a month to achieve it? Well MTV has the show for you. A youngster picks something they want to be, say a cheerleader, a football player or mathlete, and a coach is sent to teach them in time for some predetermined contest a month and a bit away (School concert, Town Fair, Stand Up Club). You can be anything, provided it's really ironic. (For example a Goth Girl wants to be a Beauty Queen*. OMG!)

Best Bits:
There are three scenes that occur in each episode.

1. The coach reveals themselves when it's least suspected...in the Classroom. "Hey! why do we have a guest break dancing teacher? Wait a Minute!!!"

2.The person been made starts crying, after the coach shouts at him/her, realising that mastering a skill in six weeks may involve some effort.

3. The Made-e makes a date with a boy, he will look uncomfortable whenever the camera is on him.

Verdict: RAWK!

*This accounts for about 50% of the episodes. Apparently America is bursting with kids that despite what they say want to be really popular.

Day 69

Pages: 1955

You know those blocks of text on the back of video boxs? They give a plot description, the actors who appear in it and give several varieties on "THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE IN SEVEN DECADES".

I was reading one of these hard sells to a "Tense action-thriller" today and saw something odd. In most of these, Whenever an actor is mentioned, a small list of previous films you would of seen them in appears next to them. For example, Ray Liotta (Identity, Goodfellas, Blow).

Now, on the back of this one, the film choices are puzzling. First Harvey Keitel gets (Red Dragon, U-571). You think "Well, He has been off the radar recently and Red Dragon was alright.)

Next Sylvester Stallone, who plainly is best known for Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, Driven and the straight to video remake of Get Carter.

And finally Robert De Niro, For a tough drama about corruption, the first films that naturally came to the mind of the copy writer were Meet The Parents, Showtime (you know the one, where he is outacted by William Shatner) and the acclaimed sequel to what many consider the greatest gangster film ever made, That's right, Analyse That!

And not a mention of Rocky and Bullwinkle anywhere.

Day 66, 67 and 68

Pages: 1955

Everyone have a good weekend?

I spent the majority of mine in the West of the Cork. Where the air is clean and full of American tourists. Nothing too exciting to report, other than I can pretty confidently state my rendition of "Total Eclipse of The Heart" is better than Westlife's version.

I did see the original version of Cheaper By the Dozen. The Most memorable moment when the crazy parents and their 12 loveable ragamuffins makes a fool out of the leader of the local Pro Birth Control group. Children's films in 1950 were clearly more politically charged than today's.

Day 65

Pages: 1940

Today the mystery will be be solved. It was Lucy the Cat all along. Coming to wake you up at 8 O'Clock each morning.

In other news, In a Nick Hornby moment I organised my DVD Collection and the things I learned, such as:

-I have three questions and no good answers.
What Ever happened to Baby Jane? She went nuts, it seems.
What’s up, Tiger Lily? Not much. Well, she had a bun the other day.
O Brother, Where Art Thou? He is over there, looking at a video of 24 if Jack was a rabbit

-Amazon Women on the Moon, Dementia 13, Teenagers From Outer Space and The Cars that Ate Paris aren't as good as they sound

-Batman & Robin is plainly the best of all the Batman films, and perhaps all films. (Batman has a Batman credit card. Expiry Date: Forever. Plainly genius)

-Rock ‘N’ Roll High School and A Bucket of Blood are better than they sound.

-I've seen Dances With Wolves the most of all of them. (Stupid Leaving Cert!)

-Dead Man, Candyman, Grizzly Man and The Yes Men aren't superheroes.

-I have Pulp Fiction twice.

-I have way too many DVDs.

Line of the Day:

The Batman thing above.

Day 64

Pages: 1920

Today I did nothing. I've prepared for such occasions I would have nothing to talk about. So look at this picture.

Tomorrow I will reveal the super mystery picture it hides. Oh More Suspense.

Line of the Day:
"This is why the terrorists hate us."
AV Club Review for Bratz: the Movie

Day 63

Pages: 1920
Now in an effort to appeal the "kidz", I will now discuss various MTV shows periodically. I watch these in order to stay "real" and "Frezh" with the "Youth of America".

#1 Next

The (Needlessly Complex) Concept:
Have you ever been on a blind date, but halfway really wanted to have a different blind date immediately? MTV's dating series Next allows for this common held dream for a young lady or gentleman. A bus with five people of the appropiate gender follows Him/her. One comes out and they have a date until Him/Her announce NEXT to move onto the next person or choose to stick with their current one for a second date. But there is a twist. The person from the bus get money for every minute they are not nexted. The only way to collect, Say no to the 2nd date. Suspense!

Best Bits:
The choice whether to take the money or the second date is always comes with a fast montage of the date to signify the person thinking of his options. MTV seems to equate deciding to go on a second date with a near death experience.

On the bus, if filled with guys, one usually say something like "I like a women with a good personailty, nice smile and BOOBS!!!

On the bus, if filled with girls, one starts taking her clothes off for reasons that never seem clear.

Verdict:
KEWL!