Day 39

Pages: 1714

As promised, The Holiday Blog.


Holiday Blog
Day 1
Pages 74
After a forteen hour ferry (I drank and watched 300, Watchable but it’s concerningly fascist.) and a car ride of six hours, my holiday in El Dorado, France begins (I’ll write the real name when I learn how to spell it). The house we are in is known as the House of Roses. Infact, all the houses have names like these, there is even a house of Beef. Lots of stuff about. A swimming pool which is both refreshing and full of nature’s debris. There is some low ceilings I’ve hit my head off three times. Also bikes in the garage as everyone here seems to cycle. Speaking of which, You know that saying, “It’s like riding a bike, You never forget” Well I may be an exception. My bike skills, after been left unused for about ten years, have gotten rusty. So much so I can’t do a full turn. Now I may be misremembering my abilties as a wee scamp. We’ll see what tomorrow’s attempt brings.

Day 2
Pages 288
Tried cycling again. Better but I’m not quite at been “on a road with other cars, bikes or people” level.
Today I gained a new respect for pool cleaners, It is a tedious job, I do like the big net though.
Weather is erratic. I got sunburned and hit with hailstones within an hour of each other.
My French has been tested at the local resturant. It seems the only word I know for sure is “Resturant”
New game invented today. Banana or Watergun? Pretty self explantory I think.
Finished Hollywood Babylon. It’s pretty much Hollywood gossip from the start of cinema to the early sixties. The moral seems to be “don’t go to Hollywood, it will pretty much kill you” Oddly the last few chapters attacks the tabloids of the time like GraphiC and Confidental. It is like if heat magazine (that’s another French word I know) gave out about Hello. Something highbrow next, I think.

Day 3
Pages 913
Yesterday at about 7 pm I made the decision to try and read the whole of Moby Dick within 24 hours. (Not sure why now.) Well at around 6.40, I finished it. It to be honest was exhausting. (It is a great book though. Don’t be surprised if later entries have ample use of “Avast”, “Thar she blows” and “Gamming”) Other than that marathon reading session, I learned the following things:
Banana spilts and rum are an interesting combination.
The French Kill Bill Vol 2 cover is pretty cool.
French markets sell more dagger holders than daggers.
Wine comes in bottle, both glass and plastic, box and plastic barrel.
French Yops are delicious.
French milk is not.

Day 4
Pages 1019
Finished Slaughterhouse 5. Started Joyce’s Dubliners.
Today I enjoyed the company of one Mr. “Le Beouf”. Here are some of his pearls of wisdom.
On his first wife.
“She smelt of feet, and was ugly”
On Women in General
“Le Beouf love no women, only those within a metre of him.”
On the Police
“They can’t arrest me, I did not steal those children.”
“The Prison system can’t hold Le Beouf, Le Beouf holds the prison system.”
On Sleep
“Le Beouf is far too outrageous for Sleep.”
A night with Le Beouf
“Would you like to come to the pond with Le Beouf? I’ve Creme Brulee.
A mysterious character really.
(Also today, Benidorm drew twice in Singstar , exceeding all expectations.)
(Also also today I broke one of the bikes.)

Day 5
Pages 1024
Watched Phantom of the Paradise. Not bad, but has an ending that makes no sense whatever way you look at it. Went for lunch in St Martin de Re. Not bad, A French Bantry is my best descripition. (Actually a bad habit I’ve gotten into is comparing the various places I seen here to those in West Cork. I go to the beach, suddenly I’m on Barley Cove, a nice quiet village, Dunmanway.)
Benidorm is smelling increasingly like feet.

Day 6
Pages 1024
Joyce wasn’t a man of a cheerful disposition, it seems.
There was a film been filmed on the beach near us. We think. There didn’t seem to be much filming but lots of unguarded camera equipment. They seemed so nonchalant about the situation, I suspect the cast and crew just wanted to have a day at the beach.
BBQ are great. (Why is it called BBQs? It doesn’t sound like the word.)

Day 7/8
Pages 1024
Random observations from the weekend:
The French have a very liberal watershed it seems. The tv series Rome was on at lunchtime.
Everywhere has a 1 to 3 lunch break.
Merry-Go-Rounds at night look spooky…
…Espacially when turned off.
Everytime shuts down at 8, except one bar.
Piranha are not agressive.
I’ve yet to visit a shop that doesn’t sell toy donkeys in pants.
When it’s not sunny, not a load to do.
I’m getting nowhere quickly with Dubliners.

Day 9
Pages 1031
I’ve decided to abandon Dubliners. I need something less dispiriting.
Another similarity Il De Re has with West Cork: it is constantly wet.
Day 10
Pages 1061
Woo. After checking the internet café a mile away three times today, I learned I passed my exams. The main other thing of the day is the country music CD, The Ultimate Country Collection, I’ve heard various times in the day and over the week. The CD has inspired some thoughts.
Everyone is called John.
Jolene must be pretty hot.
Female country singers sing about maintaining their relationships. Male country singers sing about cool things like fighting, drinking and fiddle contests with Satan.
On the subject, How does one judge a golden fiddle contest with the devil? Do the two come to a mutual agreement whom is better? Is there an unbiased judge?
No matter who sings it, Wind Beneath My Wings is a bad song.
Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton are contractly obliged to appear twice on Country Compilations.
(Oh I started The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.)

Day 11
Pages 1061
Lazy, lazy, lazy day. Back home on Friday. I’m kinda looking forward to Cork again. I miss things like Weetabix in proper milk, Maxi Twists, the ability to understand people around me (at least in terms of languages, Baba boom), Good music (The French are talented in many many areas, music is not one of them.) Cork people (Awww) and other things.
The transition has been made easier from seeing Two and A Half Men on French TV this morning. (It’s called Mon Oncle Charlie here.)
Things I’ll miss about France tomorrow.

Day 12
Pages 1066
The final day, I must pack. However as promised the list of things I’ll miss about Il De Re.
Koenig bier (or Koeny)
French Bread
Having a pool
The various Rumaries
The big Yops, especially Vaillia
That donkey with the dreadlocks
The smell of the French ports.
The Dorm.
My various sleeping places (the bed, the couch and the floor, I avoided the Heroin Bed)
Balloon surprises
The poltergeist of George Hook. (“No, I don’t want to talk about it

Day 13 (as written on Day 12)
Pages ????
As we will be leaving at 6am for a five hour car ride and 14 hours on the boat, I won’t be able to document it, unless I use paper and pencil or something. So based on the previous boat trip over, I’ll give you some words that would feature if I did write it. You can fill in the blanks.
Planet Chance…“I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be adored”…Lady in Red…Ricky Ricky Ricky…You’ve been laddered…and so on.
Note added later: Turns out none of these happened. There was a business with compilmentary sick bags been turned into puppets.